Four Steps to Choosing Better Values

Personal development requires looking for, looking at and changing mindsets as needed. However, since it makes no sense to change mindsets in a vacuum, what should a person use as a guide? Part of the answer is having an intentional values system. Here’s an exercise to get started.

• In your dealings with people (in general), what do you value most from the interactions? How do you prefer others approach you from a character standpoint?
• What are the top three or four most important things you want from a friend or business colleague on a relationship level?
• How do you think customers should be treated? How do you think fellow team members should be treated?
• What is non-negotiable?

Now, before we get too far, not all values are created equal. A value is nothing more than a basic priority on which to base decisions.

For instance, let’s say I’m a boss and I think it’s important my employees do what I say … no matter what (obedience)! This may be fine as long as I am ALWAYS right and ALWAYS have the best ideas. On the other hand, this could be disastrous if I’m not the smartest person in the room.

So here’s a two-part test before we go on.

Do you think you are the smartest person in the room?

Do you wish you were the smartest person in the room?

If you answer ‘YES’ to either question, personal development will be difficult to impossible. Why? Either of these self-centered mindsets will block learning, short-circuit relationships or both. Continual learning and relationships are at the core of personal development work.

Realistically, the value of rigid obedience held by the boss in the above setting will work some times and fail at others. The point is some values have more substance than others. So then, the ‘best’ values are those that work the most consistently, not just some times. In fact, if we could choose values that ALWAYS work, that is ideal.

The GOOD NEWS … there are values that ALWAYS work! Here’s another exercise to help.

Let’s say Entrepreneur X is starting a company and already has 10 employees. At an early team meeting, one of the first agenda items is to define ‘how we will treat customers and each other.’ What do you suppose would be on the list?

Possible answers could include the following (you can add more).

• Treat each other with respect
• Value everyone’s ideas equally
• Go the extra mile with customers and each other (consideration/patience)
• Promote creative solutions that are good for us and the customer (everybody wins)
• Do business with vendors who share our quality commitment

Notice the underlined words and how universal each sounds? It doesn’t matter if you are in the military, government, non-profit, for-profit or some other organization; any healthy person could buy into the list. Why? Regardless of the organization, “people are people.”

Here’s another great exercise created by a consultant friend of mine to help build or refine a stand-out values system.

Using one or two-word descriptors, what traits are required from a husband and wife to have a happy, life-long marriage? The results of this exercise are amazingly similar with widely different groups. Here are a few traits to get the brain juices flowing.

• Love
• Courage
• Honesty
• Humor
• Fidelity
• … and many more!

Notice how these traits really are values? Please also notice how these traits work in professional relationships. So here’s a 4-part test for ‘good’ values.

1. Is it timeless? (It would work centuries ago and will work centuries into the future.)
2. Is it universal (works for most anybody across cultures and religions)?
3. Is it obvious and certain if stated out loud?
4. Does it ALWAYS meet the needs … long-term?

Any value that fits these four pieces is an excellent candidate for your personal values list.

To develop a list of closely held values, do this …

STEP 1: Brainstorm a list of values. Write as many as possible. (Don’t worry yet if they pass the above values test.)

STEP 2: Now test each value based on the criteria above and drop those that do not pass the test. Rank order the remaining items.

STEP 3: Set the list aside and then revisit in a few days.

STEP 4: Boil the list down until you are rock solid with the top few. It’s not that the others don’t matter, it is just important to know your top three or four to make consistent, good decisions on mindsets.

When decisions are most difficult, you may bump into what we call “values conflict” where you must decide which value is of higher priority. The person who has defined the top three or four values will do better with difficult decisions.

Once you have a good values framework in place, looking for, looking at and changing mindsets becomes MUCH more meaningful, useful and satisfying.